normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize