I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
