so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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