btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
