I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't deserve a penis
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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