Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
