im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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