Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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