so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
