pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
