Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize