I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
