i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it hurts more in the daytime
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
