considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What a dumb baby whore.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
