walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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