I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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