Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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