She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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