Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
