im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize