fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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