Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
