God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We are all done wearing pants today
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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