Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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