you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
