and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
