yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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