Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
