John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
