Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
