Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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