I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i dont even know how to be here
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
