yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
