I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
