it was like eating out sand paper
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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