at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize