In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
