Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
