you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize