We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
