i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
