i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
