he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
