if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
