when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
