i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
