Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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