I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
