Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
