I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
