First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love having hate sex.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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