"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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