You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
