saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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