So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
