she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
