When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Pooping to opera.
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