The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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