moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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