i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
