i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
