oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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