I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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