i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize