you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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