I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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