yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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