p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
