my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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