Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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