What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
