When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
