did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
