Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
