my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Text me some of your sweat
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
