I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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