we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize