Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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