So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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