thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Randomize
