I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You were trust falling into bushes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
