he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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