Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize