They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
