I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
