My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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