from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
