Don't EVER smell your tampon
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
