I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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