I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
