seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
