Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
