I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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