Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
