He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
