remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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