I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
