I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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