There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize