You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
