i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
