It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
