I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
