Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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