yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
