and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
