i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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