apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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