u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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