He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
