Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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