Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize