Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
