He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
