so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
