Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize