Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
