Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
