We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
