dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Randomize
