he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
