oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
