Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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