Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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