He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
